Is how I feel about myself today. FUCKING FALL, man. You know, back in my college days, when I was experiencing the season of autumn for the first time in my 18 years, I never understood when my friends would say, “mmm, fall is here! So cozy!” because I would be thinking, WTF, it’s getting colder, this sucks. Well somewhere along the line I started appreciating the changing of the leaves, the sweaters, the frosty mornings, the boots, the holidays (always been a Halloween fan, don’t get me wrong), the general coziness that fall entails. NOT THIS YEAR, NOT THIS YEAR AT ALL. For the following reasons:
1- I HAVE BEEN SICK FOR A MONTH! I swear to god I have fucking tuberculosis. I’m straight up Nicole Kidman in Moulin Rouge, dissolving into uncontrollable coughing fits at the drop of a hat. No, I have not been to the doctor or taken any medicine. Yeah, that’s dumb. BUT STILL. I am a healthy horse of a woman, cannot my immune system kick this thing? Fuck.
2- Because of my illness, my exhausting trip to Michigan (more on that later I hope) and the fact that my fucking IKEA dresser is broken and its impossible to get at my clothes, I look like a dowdy old lesbian today. Wide leg jeans, oxblood clogs (CLOGS! CLOGS PEOPLE!!!) and a gray sweater. And my hair is doing something weird. I look like I should be teaching a fucking graduate seminar in womyn’s studies at Smith. Try this in comparison to my coworker, who is decked out on a Tuesday morning like she is about to hit the cluuuurrrb. SKIN-TIGHT purple jeans, metallic stilettos, spangly black top and cropped jacket. I told her she looked cute and she replied, “yeah well [our CEO] is in today so I thought I would try to look nice”. I think looking nice for the CEO involves suit pants and blazers, not slutty clubwear. I love her, but this ensemble is so not biz-cas. Also, you are making me look dowdier when I stand next to you. Please step away.
Wed
Oct
1
“Doin’ Time” by Sublime just came on Pandora and literally grinned and said “YESSSS!” out loud. Eighth grade me is lovin’ it. I wish I could give it check plus plus! Hi everyone, my name is Katie and I still like old Sublime. I will no longer be ashamed of this.
Tue
Sep
30
“ Go home and drink about it.
The wisdom of Babs Walsh.
Mon
Sep
29
How much of an enormous nerd am I that I just got really excited about clips of “Diners, Drive-Ins, and Dives” on Hulu?? This show is like comfort food for my brain.
There is no day I hate in the way that I hate Monday.
Sun
Sep
28
Lines used on me on Friday night at Max Fish.
(please note I was wearing jeans, white tee, flats, almost no makeup and ponytail)
Guy #1 (out of nowhere, comes up behind me): You have a nice figure.
Me: Um, thanks? So do you?
Guy # 2 (I am sitting on a bench, waiting for the bathroom, looking at my blackberry): Hey, I saw you walk by, do you want to go to Union Pool and get some coke with us?
Me: Um? I’m here with friends.
Guy #2: Ok, think about it!
(I come out of the bathroom)
Guy #2: So are you coming with us?
Me: No! I’m with my friends!
Dude! Max Fish! What is up with all the crazy people??
Thu
Sep
25
I cannot get enough Alec Baldwin. He is the star of all my dirty thoughts. And I like my Baldwin old, fat and crazy.
Actually I wouldn’t kick young Baldwin out of my bed EITHER.
Look at that pelt! I want to wear it as a coat.
But my ULTIMATE WEAKNESS??
BALDWIN IN GLASSES!!!!!!!!!! SUH-WOON!
You’re welcome, Happy Birthday, Merry Christmas, blah, blah, drool.
Now I’m going to go scour the intertubes for that INSANE GQ profile of him from a couple years back.
